I'm sick n tired of myself

I'm sick n tired of myself. For all the stupid things I hv done, for all the stupid reasons that I hv given, for all the stupid stupid things. Everytime I told myself that I will give my best in whatever I do but I always lose to my willpower. I just dont knw why.. I really wish that money will drop from the sky. This job is really a Gd job and all the pple are so nice. But I just don't knw why I do all the things to jeopardize this job and makin me jobless in a week times. But I'm really really ashamed to go back to work. What shld I do? Be thick skinned enough and faced the music. 5 days of work. I must earned that 5days of money.

I must really bucked up, really really. I hv enough of all the nonsense that I hv created. Christmas is coming, CNY is coming. All the festives season needs money. Hope I can faster find a job and get my butt moved to stable my job. I wan money! I need money!!

3years already!! I dont wanna be like this!!!!!!!!!!!